Interpreting "The Book"

Editors Note:
This material has been liberally borrowed and revised from http://www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk/humor-site/real-haynes.htm for your instruction and assistance with the Workshop Manual.

Dec., 2001


For those of us that have ever used a Rootes Manual in attempting home maintenance of a car. For those who have not used a Rootes Manual , these are the books aimed at car-owners who want to fix their own cars. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1964 MkI ....

Rootes Manual:- Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

Rootes Manual:- This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

Rootes Manual:- This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!

Rootes Manual:- As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Rootes Manual:- Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Rootes Manual:- Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

Rootes Manual:- Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

Rootes Manual:- Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.

Rootes Manual:- Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly".

Rootes Manual:- Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

Rootes Manual:- Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

Rootes Manual:- One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?

Rootes Manual:- Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would
have been more use to you).

Rootes Manual:- Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!

Rootes Manual:- Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!!

Rootes Manual:- If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Rootes Manual:- Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your

Rootes Manual:- Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!

Rootes Manual:- Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Rootes Manual:- Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Rootes Manual:- Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Rootes Manual:- Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit
the spark plugs.

Rootes Manual:- Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Rootes Manual:- Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Rootes Manual:- Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

Rootes Manual:- Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Rootes Manual:- Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Rootes Manual:- Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!

Rootes Manual:- See Illustration for details:

Translation: None of the illustrations notes match the pictured exploded, numbered parts, and the unit is from a previous model. The location of the unit is never given.

NOW, you are prepared to read the Rootes Workshop Manual contained in this web site link.

  + The Roots of Rootes
  + History of the Tiger
  + Tiger Model Overview
  + Tiger Production
  + People & Pioneers
  + Workshop Manual
  + Factory Race Equipment
  + Literature: Books
  + Articles & Videos
  + Advertising

  + See Rootes Resources

  + History of the Tiger
  + Sunbeam Tiger 2005
  + Early Race History
  + Ken Miles, an appreciation
  + The "Beastie" explained
  + The Playboy Pink Tiger
  + Casting a Light on Lucas
  + LeMans at Goodwood 2002
  + Monterey Historics 2003
  + My Life With Cars

  + See Articles & Humor

  + High Perf. Exhaust
  + Tiger Dash Restoration
  + 350 Lunati Tiger
  + Installing a T5
  + Sound Advice
  + Installing New Carpet
  + The Ackerman Angle
  + "Cool It Buddy"
  + 3 Point Belts
  + Tiger Rotisserie Plans

  + Tiger E-Mail List Archives

  + See Technical Tips

  + Tiger Club Information
  + Events Calendar
  + Service Directory
  + Owner's Gallery
  + Buyer's Guides
  + Contributing Editors
  + Team Tiger Updates
  + Photo Gallery

  + See Online Resources

Anyone who would like to contribute to this effort should contact us at Editor E-Mail. Thank you.

Volunteers wishing to join our team are welcome. Take a look at our Contributing Editors
This site has been designed to pool the collective resources of the many great regional and national Sunbeam Tiger clubs. Membership to the these clubs is strongly recommended. Use our Clubs and Organizations Directory to find the organization nearest you and get involved.